If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
