Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
