I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
