I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I want a musical about memes.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
