Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
