all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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