White coat. Heels.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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