marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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