I wanna bring you to show and tell
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
