I looked at my own cervix.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
