Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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