If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
