when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
