Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
