ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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