How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Welp...herpes.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
