Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
