I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
