i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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