He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
