im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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