so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
