I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
