soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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