I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize