He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
