I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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