I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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