Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize