matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
