You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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