Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
