bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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