Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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