I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
