Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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