I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
