just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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