dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
