she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize