I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize