Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize