Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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