I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
