love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
