How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
