Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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