Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
