How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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