I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
