Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
