I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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