How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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