Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
