She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
