i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
