So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
