Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize