no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
