I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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