don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
