well I can't set my house on fire every night
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
