what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
