so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
