yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
