I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
