obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
