absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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