if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
