There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize