Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
