i just google imaged poop.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
