Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
